It's not meant to be..

This afternoon on our med school blog site a fellow student posted, I will quote her, ".....Either you know the material or you don't. Meant to be a physician or not meant to be. You have to accept it. I dont believe in forcing something that is not suppose to happen..."   I could not believe what I was reading.  There's more to the rant she posted..But, I wanted to address...it's not meant to be, so just accept it."

This made my head start swimming.  Does she not realize that many people have overcome obstacles through forcing the issue?  That's why slavery ended in America.  That's why minorities are allowed an education.  That's why women are allowed to vote.  That's why I can live anywhere I please.  Because someone forced the issue. 

We as Americans have a right to force the issues of injustice, unfair practices, and/or a plea for a second chance.  This is the land of second chances (maybe even 3rd or 4th chances if your willing to go after it).  That's why many groups of people have left their homeland to come to the US to live the American dream of obtaining what they are told they could not have or do elsewhere.  Many of my fellow classmates are from other countries and they have shared with me that when you finish high school you are told what field you can go into.  No choices or second chances given.  Well, this is the United States of America..the land of second chances...

THe only limits in this life are those that you impose on yourself.  Push the limits.  Dream big.  Go where ever you need to go to get what you want out of life.  Take a risk.  Don't ever let fear or intimidation stop you from forcing the issue.  Push with all you have..rest up and then push some more..

I disagree with her statement.  Many people are tricked to believing this fallacy.  In life you are going to have hills and valleys, smooth roads and some bumpy roads, but never loose heart or hope that YOUR DREAM IS OBTAINABLE. 

Know that whatever your heart can conceive, you can achieve.  God will direct your path (prov 3); Do not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart (Gal 6:9). 

So, is it meant to be? Only if you believe it is...All things are possible to him that believes (Mark 9:23)...Keep on BELIEVING...Keep on DREAMING..

Relief....

This morning it seemed the sun was shining a little bit brighter than most of the time...Perhaps, all my anxieties have lifted because I left it all on the field yesterday in my final exam.  Although I was totatly nervous, I feel a did great.  I have this weird anxiety when I sit down at that computer that I've never had prior to medical school.  I went in to the final totally hyped, looking forward to doing AWESOME. I had 3hrs and 38 minutes to complete the exam (174 questions).  So, I was actively participating in the process, then I think I got relaxed..and my time was gone...I was down to 38 minutes with 54 questions to go..this is insane..My neighbor had finished aready....Then I got real nervous that I wasnt going to finish the exam.  So, I picked up the pace, skimming thru questions very nervously.. then with about 25 minutes left in the exam..I get a brain freeze...I could not seem to get to the next block.  As I push the submit button, I kept getting a warning error, that I was submitting my exam with unanswered questions...No, this is not what I was trying to do...the clock is steady ticking....Im building more anxiety....Then I raise my hand for help...I have over 30 questions to go and now my time is at 24 minutes...OH MY GOSH...this is crazy...the first guy couldnt figure it out...the clock...tic tock..tic tock....He had to go get help...Now, Im down to 23 minutes....Then the second guy figured it out....I missed question number 16....So, the exam was just saying I was submitting that particular block with an unanswered question, not the remaining part of the exam was being submitted...Bo' what a RELIEF....So, I went back and answered  #16..now, Im on my way....Down to the last 24 or so questions with 22 minutes to go....I was panicing....

But, in the end, I managed to at least skim thru all questions and make my choice....with 50 seconds left in the exam...NOW, that was FUN....


So, a friend and I spent the next few hours trying to figure out what in the world just happened...we just say at the lunch deck looking at the beautiful water and reflecting, believing, praying, wishing, hoping, all is WELL....This is what we were going thru..the stages of Grief..





Then we went to get pampered...Facials, mani & pedis and we knew everything is GOOD...Life is GOOD...How many people can say that they just finished their first semester of medical school? 
or they even had the opportunity?  So, all in all we are TRULY BLESSED....

Im so glad to be walking in PURPOSE...NOTHNG CAN STOP ME....Im FIGHTING the FIGHT OF FAITH TO WIN...Selah....now that is RELIEF for my soul..

Final Exam TOMORROW..

Oh my gosh...I really should be studying right now...This is crazy....I am having the most terrible time staying focused...What is wrong with me?

I am excited about a few things....1) I am on the verge of finishing my first semester of medical school, 2) I found a lovely apartment on the 3rd try, and 3) I am on my way home for Christmas break in two days.....

I feel like a totally different person today.  I will try to explain.  After three years of preparing for medical school, writing personal statements, taking the MCAT several times, applying to medical schools, then finally getting accepted, I still have a long way to go.  But, I see the victory line.  I see myself growing as a physician.  Im learning so much.  I can't wait to actually put things into practice.  I feel that I am in the right place at the right time.  I am forever grateful for this opportunity to fulfill a dream.  I look back over all the things I've accomplished and right now today...I feel this is the ultimate accomplishment, THE FIGHT...

The first phase, I will call THE DRIVE..the drive to fulfill, the drive to manifest, and the drive to prove I can get into medical school.  Drive and motivation is a great combination.  But, the will to FIGHT and WIN is the ULTIMATE...

Now, the second phase, I will call:  THE FIGHT TO WIN.  Although I've always considered myself as a fighter.  I am fighting the fight of my life...and I have had many in my day, but this one is the ULTIMATE.....On each level in life there is a defining moment, there is a fight that must be won, war that must be conquered.  The Fight with SELF.  The outside forces are temporal, but the internal strength is REAL and FOREVER.   I must draw on my internal stregth to win this fight...I must fight through the fatigue, the lack of sleep, the times of bewilderment and continue on in purpose. 

When the FORCE WITHIN is STRONGER than the force trying to push you back, you WILL MOVE FORWARD. Im glad to say my inner FORCE is mighter than mountains and stronger than the sea. GOD's over powering love for me is PUSHING ME FORWARD...Selah

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

First semester of medical school has been an eye opener.  I would never have imagined the work load.  Right now I am preparing for my final exam.  I have to have reviewed over 5200 lecture slides, 400 hours of lectures, and on stop of that, I have to remember the most important concepts, calulations, symptoms and signs..

I think I burned myself out the first three months.  I had no extracurricular activities, no social interactions except in passing and with my son.  And now my focus has diminished.  I went through a horrible ordeal with my housing arrangements...MOLD...and horrible landlord, etc..I had to move the day before my practicals..It was a mess....But, I had to regroup and I mean quickly...a month before semester was ending, I went out to celebrate my birthday....that was the start of turning this ship around.  I attended another social function...That helped break the slump.  Then this week I started working out at the gym.  It's never too late.  Im feeling better now....

So, this coming semester..I see the changes I have to make....I am going to join a couple of clubs on campus, work out at least 3x per week.....gain some BALANCE in life and I WILL WIN THIS FIGHT...

Back to studying...18hrs to go...
Pray for me....